Down with the TN Law, and F*CK H8

I have to say something about what has been going on lately. So, the Tennessee State Senate passed a bill that bans the words "homosexual" and "gay" to be said in all public schools. This means you cannot literally say either of the two words from preschool, elementary school, middle school onwards. Including in sex education classes in high school, when you will be discussing everything but this (Though I bet you they'll have to revise their little sections on the "predominance" of the AIDS virus). You literally. cannot. say. the words. out loud.

This is so messed up. This is why two years ago, I decided that the Day of Silence is a load of crap and the last thing the movement needs to be doing is dedicating a day to silence. Yes, it is in order to raise awareness but at what cost? Lying down yet again and just..taking what they throw at us? That's why the movement is only going slowly but surely. We need more spark-starters, go-getters, people like the F*CK H8 campaign who say "enough is enough" and "f*ck hate." We are done lying down, we are done "just taking it," and these things are NOT okay. It is not okay that just last year, there were at least four publicly broadcasted suicides that had to do with sexual orientation and identity. There is not enough movement and not enough support for this issue, because people become entangled in political mind-warping and let "what-if's" get in the way of standing and simply refusing to believe that any of this is okay. None of it is.

On top of the Tennessee state law, this same week, a transgender woman was harrassed and then beaten inside of a Baltimore McDonalds, and the workers there did nothing to stop the harrassment nor the beating.

This is the culture we live in. A culture where everyone looks around to everyone else with dumbfounded looks on their faces instead of immediately acting. This is because we still do not know what exactly to do and frankly, if we need to do anything about.

We do. There are children everywhere who are growing up gay, pan (queer, etc), or trans who wonder if they are even worth anything as human beings simply because of the way their biology is made up and because of the way they were born. They question what they can do, if they will be good enough, they ask why they were made that way instead of simply celebrating the other facets of their identity and the whole of their person. And other people around them? They solidify this for these kids. They tell them, by way of no action or by way of negative action, that these kids SHOULD question themselves. They SHOULD ask if they're worth anything. They should feel less, because their parts, their biology, and their ways of being are subordinate and inferior to others. And as kids...they tend to believe what they're told. Even adults struggle with this. Struggle with being who they are because everyone around them is either participating in these negative actions, or saying nothing at all. Worst is when people say nothing because they fear "being labelled as gay themselves." News flash: You are not a true Ally to the movement if you cannot simply speak up for the good of gays without worrying "oh my goodness, what if they think I'M gay??" So what if they do?

So what if they do?

and this is what i want to say

it isn't about sex. it isn't about sexuality. it isn't about rights. it isn't about winning. it's about the simple act of liking who you like.

it has nothing to do with body parts. it has nothing to do with specifics. it has everything to do with that person you like. you like someone for inexplicable reasons. the way they laugh, or move, or talk to other people. you like the music they like. you like how they're interested in some certain topic. you just like them.

it has nothing to do with anything other than that. it breaks my heart to see people who still can't come to terms with their own sexuality. it breaks my heart to see a world where it is okay to say the "f" or "d" word, and where people, kids, think its funny. it's "so gay." it's "laughable." the thing is, as i was watching about 20 to 30 high school kids perform in their talent show last night, the spotlights on them..it was gorgeous. it was the most beautiful thing. the boy with his piano, the girl with her fingerless gloves and broadway song, girl groups with their guitars, boys tektonik dancing...the jocks or meatheads jeering in front in cliche fashion did not matter---it did not matter. because it was about the kids on stage and their song, their dance, their art. right then i got it.

ann arbor in one week, baltimore in two!

Been in the same place for too long. gotta go explore. Whee! i'll try to take a camera and actually take pictures.

preachy message for today

....where i'm speaking to you, instead of about myself.

do what you love. and fuck the rest.
this is the message of little miss sunshine. and sorry if that is a spoiler for you. but if you haven't seen this film already, why didn't you? it's a can't-miss. the message of the film is this simple message. it tells you to get out and do what you'd like to do. don't question. don't spend hours, days, thinking and wondering and pensando because in the end, you kind of already know what you enjoy. especially if you experiment and fail and try again. especially if you try a bunch of things and you slowly find your way into a niche, or groove. do what you love...and fuck the rest. in the end it doesn't matter. not really. it matters to you..it matters to your heart, and your feeling of completion--whether you really went after what you wanted or not. and it matters whether you were good to the people you loved, and who loved you. and that's it, man. there's no big secret. there's no big unveiling where mysteries unfold. that's the irony of it: it's all already right here. here's the secret. give out love. even as it hurts you. even as it pains you to give a little bit more. be fair. but be giving. in the end, this will be most rewarding. love until it hurts, and then love a little more. this will save you. you know what i mean?

"the world you cannot change
calm your violent soul
all you can do is another person good."

gettin restless

So I have resolved to write every day now. Let's see how long this lasts. I don't feel like anything is happening lately. I feel bored. I should feel grateful for everything I have right now--and I do. Seriously. I have great friends, the comfort of having been here for awhile now, great classes, and financial stability. But what is the point of all of this? I find myself asking that on a regular basis. Do you ever wonder this? Is it indicative of nothing going on for me, do you not feel this way? Is life a lot of little tiny miracles? Or mostly without miracles, those happening only once in awhile? I think I just have cabin fever and need to take a trip somewhere to get inspired again.

Okay. I need to shape up and make changes. One thing I've noticed is that out of my goal list created around four to five years ago, I've met quite a few of them in one way or another. Hence: need new goals!! I'll need to work on this list in private and then "publicize" it...

get a tattoo?

Interrupting my comedy-watching to write, I realize that often why I feel impatient is because I feel this incessant need to create. I'm sitting here in my room completely comfortable, except I don't know and can't decide if what I want is to read a book, watch a movie, watch some funny tv, or just kinda lay here some more and rest. Yet I don't know what to create. I lack direction. What is so important to me that I want to create something about it? Well, love, yes, but that's hurt me quite a bit in the past year. So what else? How I feel for Haiti? For New Orleans? They say we choose whether to feel loved or not. It is a choice. Maybe I have been choosing not to feel loved, appreciated. I'm ready to graduate. Ready to move on. Not because I don't like the college life, especially the friends aspect. But because I'm ready to do something that doesn't involve classes (at least me in the student role) but me out in the real world doing something. Feeling on at least some days like I'm doing something. Something positive. I don't have to make waves, just ripples. Well, that is kind of a lie about the way I truly feel so...hrm. But I don't expect much. Just maybe someday to win the affection of a kid the way my teachers, professors, and mentors have secretly won mine.

norwegian wood

Norwegian Wood (a novel by Haruki Murakami) is becoming a film. I found this out yesterday and am very excited to see this. It's a beautiful novel, (though I could say much more on it) and the film will come out from a lesser known film group in Japanese language with English subtitles.

I like how the trailer is short, sweet, and The Beatles song is playing while you can hear the protagonists speaking in Japanese.