I felt like blogging earlier and don't feel like it as much anymore, but am going to anyway. Today has been kind of a weird day. Called in to work, which was my rebellion of sorts, saying "you can't make me work!" They have scheduled me for work repeatedly and basically ignored my requests to dial down my hours to have more time for school. And it's really starting to stress me out, because i absolutely have to go to someone and have them switch it. I cannot continue down this road, and this is me saying enough is enough.

Anyway, other than that, things are going pretty well. My class reading I find extremely boring, which I think is partly the material and partly me missing discussion-based seminar classes to the extreme. I didn't realize how much that impacted how you engage with the reading, what sorts of things you think about and are led to think about. Though I like solo work, it's really the intellectual engagement with others that can drive you forward. Truly, with each day that goes on, I miss my college more.

It is a transition phase in life. I'm ready to leave college though. Thank goodness, since this is my fifth year. I'm ready to just live my life and work and not worry about assignments. Someday, there will be more higher education but for now I want to focus on living the life I have set out for me. And more enjoyment...

I have waited for this moment for four to five days now. Uninterrupted silence, time to do as I please, and a chance...most of all, a chance to write. What do I want to write about....

I fear the world is becoming more and more specialized and we are losing our place in it. Like, people are thinking about what they want to do when they grow up, some are thinking of what they want to study in school, and it becomes further and further specialized. And I'm familiar with the theories of complex societies and societal development enough to know that it lends itself to this type of occupational specialization. But it still scares me. I remember my days in elementary school and I feel our world was so much more secure back then. Maybe it is just this endless cycle of me resisting parts of the grown up world, the politics, the realizations, the disenchantment....but I also do think our world has changed. Culture wars have reached a head and it seems so aggressive, so violent, even, at times. I want it to pass. I want it to calm down and for people to not be so aggressive. And most of all so hateful. It sounds kind of cliche and hippy-ish, but I'm okay with that. I want peace and love and understanding. Lol.

You can't do that without bridging worlds. To reach understanding, you have to meet somewhere in the middle which is why after all this time I support Obama. At the same time, there is a need for the passionate liberal activists who never say something is okay when it's not and always fight for what they believe is justice. It's just frustrating because it seems so hard to get things done and especially now, it feels like there is no focus on schools and people don't understand that that is one of the basic backbones of our society and without reform, nothing can change. People can't learn new things, people can't grow, people can't advance.

Anyway, speaking of which, I have to head to class now, but I'll write more later.

what i like to do
is walk in the rain
but only when i'm dressed just right for it
don't want to get soaked in shoes that aren't meant for water
don't want to get soppy the tshirt we dress to impress
just want to run around in a slicker and rain boots
ready for what's to come

you say you worry that if they come near you
they'll see all the frayed wires and dirty parts exposed
i say i welcome it
because it is who we are
and it tells a story
and we are not worse off than anyone, ever

and i like to say baby come with me
and dance in the rain
and you like to wait
but then join
singing oh halle, halle, halle
hail down on me i welcome it
you are carrying everything i want to be with

"The clash of cultures in the classroom is essentially a class war, a socio-
economic and racial warfare being waged on the battleground of our schools,
with middle-class aspiring teachers provided with a powerful arsenal of half-
truths, prejudices, and rationalizations, arrayed against hopelessly outclassed
working-class youngsters. This is an uneven balance, particularly since, like
most battles, it comes under the guise of righteousness." (Clark, 1965, p. 119)