I guess it's been almost twenty days since I posted last. Times have changed somewhat significantly and new things have come about in my life. New jobs, for one, which I applied for and got, and soon to be a new living situation. It's going to feel very good to get out of the current situation--and I can't stress enough that I like family time--but overall I need my space in certain ways. I started new classes and so far they're going swimmingly.
I've ruminated a lot on what I deserve and I came to the conclusion that I deserve more. More love, no more hurt, nice treatment and patience with myself. I deserve better than the ways in which certain past events have turned out and it's like I didn't see that for so long. Now, the hood is finally off my eyes and I can move forward. I deserve the best because I'm willing to offer the best. I don't trust everybody, and I don't necessarily see everyone's good side or show everyone my good side but overall, it's there and I know it's worthy of spiritual and relational riches.
I finally have my old goals back and I see my direction in life. I have so many dreams but at the same time have my feet firmly planted in reality. Everyday I see people who care about the world and try to make their own difference, in their own way, and that inspires me to go forward. I am more interested in action than words, in more ways than one. In one, in the activist and social activism sense. You can spout off words all you want but if your actions don't reflect your beliefs, or even parts of your ideals, what does that say? It doesn't have to be all idealistic, but don't be unrealistic either by espousing words and beliefs and then not following through. The same goes for personal relationships. Someone can tell you things all they want, but what matters is how they act, consistently.
It matters, how someone else treats you. It matters, if you feel hurt. It matters, if you have emotions. And even if someone else will not acknowledge those feelings, acknowledge them yourself. They matter, and you are important.
And above all, don't give your love to someone who doesn't treat it with the utmost care.
5 months ago