beating heart baby

This has been a very interesting night. Since I've been working night shifts very frequently lately, I come home and don't want to socialize with anyone really but want to ensure that I still get to do the things I want to do during night time....cozy up with a blanket, hang with the animals, watching my favorite show, and maybe cook some food. So I stay up and do it. And usually I end up staying up even later than intended and hence here we are at 2:00 am with me still wide awake and typing.

I sent in my first professional resume today, to send out to schools. I think as a kid when you picture yourself at 23, 24, 25 you picture yourself so grown up with all your shit together. I think the trick, which you learn when you hit about 19, is that you never just immediately get that shit zapped into you. You constantly have to remind yourself to stay on task, stay focused, and it's near impossible to have things just come so freely and naturally to you--life is a constant struggle, in a lot of ways. Maybe "struggle" is a strong word, but the point is it never comes freely to you. It's about the tension and release, the planning and the letting go, the wondering and the nothingness, the everything and the in-between.

I'm with, or dating rather, a wonderful woman. We are taking it step by step, but I wake up happy. I'm in a job that I love, with friends around me. My family supports me and never strays from my side. I am truly blessed and I thank God for that. My adorable little cat, bless his heart, wakes up with me every morning and reminds me that he is devoted to me. I am so, so blessed. And they say that we don't thank God when we have enough, but blame him when we don't have much, so I want to take this opportunity to say a bunch of praise, even if it seems like a bit of overkill.