get a tattoo?

Interrupting my comedy-watching to write, I realize that often why I feel impatient is because I feel this incessant need to create. I'm sitting here in my room completely comfortable, except I don't know and can't decide if what I want is to read a book, watch a movie, watch some funny tv, or just kinda lay here some more and rest. Yet I don't know what to create. I lack direction. What is so important to me that I want to create something about it? Well, love, yes, but that's hurt me quite a bit in the past year. So what else? How I feel for Haiti? For New Orleans? They say we choose whether to feel loved or not. It is a choice. Maybe I have been choosing not to feel loved, appreciated. I'm ready to graduate. Ready to move on. Not because I don't like the college life, especially the friends aspect. But because I'm ready to do something that doesn't involve classes (at least me in the student role) but me out in the real world doing something. Feeling on at least some days like I'm doing something. Something positive. I don't have to make waves, just ripples. Well, that is kind of a lie about the way I truly feel so...hrm. But I don't expect much. Just maybe someday to win the affection of a kid the way my teachers, professors, and mentors have secretly won mine.